Recent literature has further illuminated this increasing challenge of unseen home burden. This burden takes an extreme toll on personal, familial and professional lives. This real-world look at inclusivity was spearheaded by Julie Holliday Wayne, a business professor at the University of Alabama along with her colleagues Maura Mills, Russell Matthews, and Marilyn Whitman. To help flesh out these hidden dimensions of mental labor in the home, they brought on board Yi-Ren Wang from the Asia School of Business.
The phrase “invisible family load” first came to my attention in 2017. One cartoon captured the draining emotional labor of long being the household change agent. Through the last few decades our understanding of this concept has grown well beyond just how we’re physically caregiving. It’s expanded to now cover the emotional labor, planning, and problem-solving that goes into it. These responsibilities can be a burden on those who are at the core of a family’s daily life.
Parents must make thousands of choices every day, adding to the phenomenon called decision fatigue. Meal prep, schedule juggling, navigating kids’ activities — it all takes a toll on your brain. Wayne goes on to describe this endless balancing act as creating a “chronic imbalance of the mental load.”
Wayne emphasizes that instead of viewing this burden negatively, individuals can find value in reframing it as a form of leadership. By being proactive, knowing what decisions to make, and involving family members, one can help not only empower family members but encourage a culture of shared commitment. This perspective allows them to “enjoy and get benefit from being the ‘leader’” within their household.
To create a truly equitable workforce, we need to better support this invisible load. Experts suggest some strategies. Consider drafting a “worry list.” This gives you an opportunity to write down things you’re worried about and consider them for a set amount of time each day. This approach serves to compartmentalize concerns and minimize stress about things left up in the air.
Furthermore, creating defaults like a weekly meal plan can make routine decisions easier and free up mental energy. Making key decisions during the “best” time of day can go a long way in combating decision fatigue. Others find they’re sharper in the morning. For some, the evening is when they feel most productive.
Even in the presence of a child, open communication about household responsibilities is key to avoiding resentment in partnered couples. These weekly check-ins, to discuss the work that’s apparent and hard to see, help partners understand and celebrate each other’s work. This practice builds trust and creates collective connections. It does this by honoring the invisible emotional labor that every individual brings to the table.
Kids can benefit from knowing that household management is an open book. When engaging them in conversations around common goals, parents have the opportunity to teach children skills like collaboration and responsibility. This participatory approach conveys to children the important message that taking care of a household is not just the job of adults.
This invisible family load goes beyond the household, having a powerful effect on workplace culture and productivity. Wayne’s schedule is very rigorous. Tripping around campus between teaching the hottest course in the U.S., answering throngs of emails, meeting research deadlines and the like only distracts him from his professional obligations. Because on top of everything else, before she even starts her workday, she’s got to think about at least a hundred other things that go into her family life.
It’s important that we understand the need to eliminate invisible family load. In turn, they can help people and families build strategies that are more effective for managing the mental overhead. This experience of self-connection leads to healthier relationships, decreased stress, and improved quality of life.
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